I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
