I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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