Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
