My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
