our cab driver is having phone sex.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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