I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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