o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
