I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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