I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
