His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
