wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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