Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
