im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
