I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
