Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Randomize
