Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
