He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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