At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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