Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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