I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
