I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Randomize
