Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
my poor anus
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
