dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
