My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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