Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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