he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
