Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
