The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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