so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
