Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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