I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
