evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
