Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
