Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
