What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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