i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
