I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
