You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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