We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
