i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My pussy is not your playground.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
