I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
