Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
