Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize