all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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