...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
