I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
