it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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