Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
so much tequila, so little girl.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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