omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
