I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Damn victory sex feels great
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
