Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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