she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
This baby is an asshole
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
