I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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