my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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