Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I showed him my bush... on skype.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
