Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
