Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
