I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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