my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
