It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize