My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
