Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
