Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize