I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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