I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
