I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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