I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
